All my life I'm always seeking for an answer Why can't life be more simple? Is love the key to my answer Or the thing that makes our life so complicated
All my life... seeking for an answer
Sunday, September 10, 2006
4:10 AM
This will be the place where I tell all my secrets.. Of course I would want to share my troubles with some of my close frens but they will not be the first person that I will find when I'm upset.. maybe because I know them too well and I will know wat will they say.. Usually I will find strangers to talk to when I'm feeling really really sad. Why strangers? Because you don't have to meet up with them.. you don't have to feel stress of having them to tell you what is the right thing to do..you won't have the chance of crying infront of them.. I create this blog partly is to let some of my frens to know what is my troubles.. I find it difficult to explain things to them sometimes so maybe by writing .. they will understand more clearly..
My first "not-so- secretive" secret is about my current boyfriend. Things don't goes too well between me and him. At first I thought the problem only lies on me being too demanding and him being too lazy but its not so simple.. Have a long talk with him 2 days ago.. and realise that there are actually more problems then I thought. He told me that a girl who used to work in the bank was in love with him. She break up with her bf because of him.. and every morning she will send him to work.. and meet him for lunch and even purposely wait for him after work. When I heard that.. I was really upset.What I'm sad about is that I can feel that he has feelings for her.. although not strong but.. I still cannot accept the truth. At first.. he was defending himself saying that he's only feeling guilty towards her after what she have done.. but after explaining so much.. he finally agree with me but its not so strong like what he had for me. Today he told me that he have settle this problem with that ger. He asked her and her ex-bf out and have a talk. Well what he did was trying to re-unite them and let them have a talk. He called and tell me about it. When I heard that, I was kinda happy and at lost at the same time.. I don't know if I can trust him anymore..so many lies coming out from him.. how do he expect me to trust him anymore? I know that I have not been a very good girlfriend. I admit that I actually take him for granted and expect that he will do everything that I asked for. I never make any effort to meet him up while I was complaining that we dun get to meet after he started working.
After solving the third party problem.. we have other problems to solve too. I think I was being too stubborn.. always throwing my temper when I heard something which I don't like from him. He told me that he was feeling really stress and unhappy. First, I made him stop going clubbing with his friends... den I force him to quit smoking.. den because of accompanying me .. he don't get to meet his friends. Clubbing used to be his favorite activity,but now I ban him from going there.. of course he listen.. but he doesn't like it at all. The problem here is I cannot accept people to smoke and I don't like him to go clubbing cos of one incident. I know he's unhappy about it but I will be unhappy too. He told me that as long as I'm happy he will do whatever I want him to. But.. is that the solution to our problem? I think no! Sooner or later he will regret.. and then we will start quarreling again and will end up breaking up again.. so I really donno what to do.. haiz...
